Bump & Beyond | Here Comes Baby #2 part 2!

Hey parents! I’m writing this today to give you an update on how we are acclimating to life with two kids. At the time I am writing this, my baby is six months old, and my toddler is three and a half. Right now, I would say my eldest, Harper, has done well adjusting to having baby Brooke around. But it wasn’t love at first sight for her, so I wanted to share with you some things I learned along the way.

Meeting the new baby

When I got ready to deliver my second baby, I did some things to help ease the transition from one child to two. If you have not already, read part one to learn more about how I was preparing for the delivery of our second daughter. When it came time to deliver Brooke, I did a few things that I think worked well. At the hospital we:

• Had the baby in the bassinet when Harper came in to meet her. – This worked well for us because Harper could have some snuggles with us first before looking at the baby. I researched how some children become jealous seeing another baby in their mom’s arms, and I wanted to avoid negative emotions when meeting Brooke.
• Then, we let Harper look at Brooke in the bassinet before anybody else held her. – Everyone in the room at the time was someone who Harper cared a lot about. So, we didn’t want the grandparents fawning over the new baby in the beginning. Introducing a baby to the family can cause some insecurity for the older children. It was important to me that Harper didn’t feel like she was being replaced.
• We also had the girls exchange gifts- I took Harper out to pick a gift for the baby the week prior. I also ordered Harper a gift from Brooke. After they met and my husband answered Harper’s questions about Brooke, they exchanged those gifts. Harper got Brooke a little bunny toy, and Brooke got Harper a new sticker book. This was a perfect gift because she could play with it right away.

Note: It is a good idea to provide your child with a quiet activity to do at the hospital. It keeps them from disturbing medical equipment in the room and alleviates boredom.

• I also tried to include Harper in things when I could. - For example, I gave both of my babies their first bath. So, when I gave Brooke her first bath at the hospital, I pulled up a chair and had her watch and “help”. It was a lovely moment, but when Brooke began to cry, that made Harper very anxious. So, she didn’t help for the whole bath.

Home from the hospital

Once we got home from the hospital, the real adjustments began in our house. I was fortunate that my husband had paternity leave with his company, so I had extra hands around to help me. When possible, we found it best to divide our efforts to manage our girls. Other days, especially after my husband returned to work, I just juggled things the best I could. One thing that helped me was teaching Harper some patience and about sequences. This is still a daily conversation six months out. But over time, the conversation has gotten shorter, and she understands it more easily. Here’s an example:

Harper- “Mommy can you play with me?”

Me- “That sounds like a great idea, but Brooke is hungry and needs to eat. First, I will feed Brooke, burp her, and then we can play with you.”

At first, this took a lot of repetition. Now we are to a point where I don’t need to repeat myself as much. Note: Make sure you follow through on the thing they are requesting. If you frequently follow through, they know the playtime is just around the corner and will build up tolerance to wait. Something else I do is tell Brooke she needs to wait. This is mostly for show, but I do it to make Harper feel equal. For example, Brooke will just be playing on the floor, and Harper will say, “Mommy, I’m hungry, can I have a banana?” I will then reply, “Of course! Brooke, you wait here. First, I’m going to get Harper a banana, and then we will come back to hang out with you.”

Bringing home another baby is a big change. I was prepared for were

• Decreased sleep
• Less downtime
• Juggling my time with each of them
• Jealousy from Harper
• And Harper regressing some with her independence

Some things that surprised me that I was less prepared for were

• The mental load of managing two children’s healthcare (doctor’s appointments, dentist, etc.)
• Brooke’s cries causing Harper anxiety and making her cry. - This was tough, but with more exposure to it, she became more acclimated to the crying. We would remind her that Brooke cries because she can't talk to tell us what she needs.
• Mom guilt over Brooke not getting the same version of me that Harper got and having less undivided time
• Managing everyone’s safety when I take them out of the house on my own
• The extra supplies it takes to leave the house with a baby and a toddler
• Choking hazards! With Harper, toys and foods she could choke on were easily managed. But now with Brooke, Harper has toys Brooke shouldn’t play with and eats foods Brooke can’t. So, I have learned to be more vigilant.

I’m learning to manage these things every day. I wish I could say I have this all figured out, but I don’t! You should have seen what I packed to take the kids to the zoo! But as each day passes, I have learned what works and what doesn’t, so it’s getting better. If you are reading this and you are preparing to have another baby, I want you to know that it’s ok if you don’t have it all figured out. We are all learning and growing as parents, and making mistakes along the way is just a normal part of parenting. We got this!

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